"It is very probable that only what we call consciousness is contained in space and time, and that the rest of the psyche, the unconscious, exists in a state of relative spacelessness and timelessness." - Carl Jung
When you're physically reincarnated (birth), you have an actual starting point - a physical starting point (or at least that which is predominantly believed to be a starting point, if only because it is deeply linked to 3D [physical]). But, I did not have this and as a result, since the "unseen world" operates "outside of" time and space, my relationship to/with time, as it is known and understood on the 3D/physical level, has been (and still is), different from most people.
As a result of my soul path being different, I had to find a way to work with 3D time, so that it was structured to suit me, and not another's idea of what it should be.
This is where I had struggled for many years, because, on the one hand, my "new" body-mind had to integrate the experience of the replacement reincarnation using the "common perception" of time. Yet, on the other hand, I, as the new soul, was working on my own perception of time. I struggled because I did not understand this and myself for one thing, and my experience (and therefore perspective) was at odds (often to the point of conflict) with those who held a "traditionalist" mind-set or belief system. I couldn't convey myself to them, and the "lightning bolts" of my own experience puts cracks in their "towers" of their belief system, just as it had with my body's "original views" regarding reincarnation. It must be understood, and I cannot emphasize this enough, that there were no New Age books, no reincarnation books, or spirituality books, self-healing and care books (from a spiritual perspective) in the place where the replacement reincarnation took place. So, simply put, at the moment of the soul transfer and all the years prior, there was no knowledge of such an experience. The body-mind was never exposed to it. This means that when it happened, I was on my own, and living in a rural and predominantly Christian town, help was not just around the corner.
In my "formative years", I often needed others as a point of reference, to help me clarify or solidify my perspective through the means of "comparison and contrast". As things became clearer, through my own research, which largely focused on the walk-in experience (as that was the experience that most closely fit and what I "identified" with, until April 2018, when in a group for walk-in cases, someone posted about replacement reincarnation - after reading the information, I knew I was *not* a walk-in case, but instead replacement reincarnation).
Through this information, much was cleared up and I had a peace of mind after many turbulent years of trying to understand and integrate on two very distinctly different levels. The need for "compare-contrast" fell away, and in the process, so did others. I understood myself in relation to myself - not another at this point.
It was probably around 2016, when I became more aware of feeling a vague discomfort on the date of my death in WWII. (I have a tendency to say "the war", but must keep reminding myself to specify which war. Again, this is a result of not being physically reincarnated by birth. WWII is "present" in some way in my mind, perhaps that is because that is where I last was physically.) Anyway, I realized this needed resolution so that I could move forward and work on the *real spiritual work* - that of understanding and integrating my spiritual experience from the 1920s.
The 1920s was the starting point (birth) of my core self into my, then 19 year old body. I was 19 in 1927, which is the year I am very inclined to go with at this point for when this experience happened. For comparison, I came into this body in 2002 when it was 22, so only a mere 3 year difference.
In a way the ship reminded me of the HAPAG ship San Francisco, that I served on in the late 1920s. My spiritual experience took place then, in 1927. This ship was from that period of time, when I started to research it. Therefore, on a deep subconscious level, the image resonated with my experience, and in one sense was a reflection of it. The image represented a sort of "loss of innocence", as when one comes to terms with being an "embodiment" of a force of Nature, and understanding of what all that involves. It means that one must accept the "fact" that one is capable of massive amounts of destruction that overshadows anything humans are capable of...and yes, that includes nuclear firepower. It is not an easy or "light" realization to acknowledge. This destruction obliterates pettiness and due to it being a facet of Nature, does not care what you believe, or if you believe, but it will not tolerate intolerance towards Nature's inherent diversity...because Nature cannot be controlled.
ROLL on, thou deep and dark blue Ocean, roll!
Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain;
Man marks the earth with ruin;
his control Stops with the shore;
upon the watery plain
The wrecks are all thy deed, nor doth remain.
A shadow of man’s ravage, save his own,
When, for a moment, like a drop of rain,
He sinks into thy depths with bubbling groan,
Without a grave, unknelled, uncoffined, and unknown. - Lord Bryon (The Ocean)
I recall one memory dream that I had, which took place during the time not long after my experience.
I was getting ready to go somewhere with a young woman. I remember fixing my tie, or clothes, while standing before a vanity mirror. I then looked up and into my own eyes, and that was when I knew.
I knew...but I did not talk about it...with the exception of one woman that I remember who was a spiritualist/psychic type. I had a memory dream about that too.
I remember it being within the same time period, and I was outside walking along a cobblestone area near the waterfront. I was to meet this woman at a cafe type place. I sat down at one of those old style wrought iron cafe table and chairs set...and waited. I was nervous and felt awkward, and wondered if I was alone in this, or if others ever experienced it as well. She arrived and we talked...about what, I do not remember. I do remember leaving a bit more "comfortable" with myself. Just like my experience having reincarnated by replacement reincarnation in this body, I had neither the resources, nor any other help...so, I have much experience in going it alone.
Anyway, in this image, I saw a reflection of my life...it betrayed how I really felt. Outwardly, no one knew, except a certain person (perhaps one or two others, but no more). No longer was there a happy smiling and youthful sailor, but instead a seriousness that pressed upon the heart and mind. An awareness of "age"...of feeling "old", but not the sort of "world weary" old that those who have reincarnated many times tend to feel. This was a different sort of old.
The ship being weathered and decayed reflected this state of mind even more...
"In the eyes of the sea and of death, everything that is false, petty, ungenuine and untrue passes away; all empty phrases, all ringing words are extinguished; every human vanity, every human covetousness sinks away. In the face of the sea and of death only the simple, the unpretentious and the true is of value - and ultimately the only deed!" - Kptlt. Kaden
Seeing that image was like seeing my youth and innocence die.
Water kills without remorse, thought, hate, or spite. It kills because it is in its nature to kill.
How do I process this? How do I manage to find some unity between being human and unhuman...non-human...
I had only realized that, after having initiated Shadow Work in 2016, was I able to open this body's mind up to expand far enough in consciousness to be able to concurrently resolve not only the shadow of the body-mind, but my own as well. The end results came to be something that I had tried to make the best of.
I would much rather not "meddle in the affairs of humans", but seeing that I am human, was human, and affected by human actions... it's not like I have much choice anymore. I do not interact much with humankind, I just do what I feel the need to, then disengage.
Don't even get me started on relationships... Most of those involved with spirituality tend to view water in the female/feminine form, and I completely ruin that. Most women have not been "at ease" with the male/masculine form of water.
I tend to be perplexed at the oft portrayed image of the ocean as this happy, playful, lighthearted, colorful place.
I have spent both lifetimes as a sailor and sea captain. Let me tell you that, that is a very small representation, and merely looks at the life in the water, and not so much the water itself. Even the "happy" end of the sea can drown you.
I suppose that it is both my experience, and being such a being, that prevents me from falling under the illusion of a "playful, colorful, happy sea".
You have seen the image above... there is nothing happy about it. It is death and decay. It is transformation.
I roll my eyes, after they have glazed over, at this constant image of the sea as "life giving".
"The sea - this truth must be confessed - has no generosity. No display of manly qualities - courage, hardihood, endurance, faithfulness - has ever been known to touch its irresponsible consciousness of power. The ocean has the conscienceless temper of a savage autocrat spoiled by much adulation. He cannot brook the slightest appearance of defiance, and has remained the irreconcilable enemy of ships and men ever since ships and men had the unheard of audacity to go afloat together in the face of his frown. From that day he has gone on swallowing up fleets and men without his resentment being glutted by the number of victims - by so many wrecked ships and wrecked lives. To-day, as ever, he is ready to beguile and betray, to smash and to drown the incorrigible optimism of men who, backed by the fidelity of ships, are trying to wrest from him the fortune of their house, the dominion of their world, or only a dole of food for their hunger. If not always in the hot mood to smash, he is always stealthily ready for a drowning. The most amazing wonder of the deep is its unfathomable cruelty." - Joseph Conrad (Mirror of the Sea)